I wish I only lived at night.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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