he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
