I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
