I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i just google imaged poop.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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