Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
