I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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