I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
