he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
