ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
