He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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