you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
