I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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