i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
