You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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