he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
