yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
