I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
