life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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