Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
