I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
