Apparently you make a good broom.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I checked into jail on foursquare
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
