im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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