can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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