Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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