dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Randomize
