This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
