Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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