would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
