He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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