I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
