i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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