I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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