FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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