we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
