Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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