bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
If I die, sorry about rent.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
