The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
