wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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