all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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