the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
