I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
