so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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