He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
