you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
