They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
