i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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