Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
