There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
