So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
