i think i have two assholes
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
