Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Randomize
