I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
