Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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