my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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