I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
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afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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