It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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