it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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