I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
me + whiskey = a bad person
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize