OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
