Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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