glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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