just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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