like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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