next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
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congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
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Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize