I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
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I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
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Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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