thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
