By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
