nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
