woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just had sex on a roof
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
