Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
