at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm at about main and main street
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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