I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
