I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize