you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I said "one day" and that day is not today
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
