We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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